Before we begin…
Through this site and social media pages (Instagram and Facebook), I’ve been able to come in contact with some truly inspiring women in Jiu Jitsu. One such woman, Jody Morgan, has made it her mission to help get women out of abusive situations through the power of Jiu Jitsu. She agreed to share her story on my blog. I’m honored to help spread her message! With no further ado, I’ll turn it over to Jody!
Women of Jiu Jitsu – Jody Morgan
Statistically, the most dangerous place for a woman is in her own home.
Let that sink in a moment.
Over 1 in 3 women have experienced some type of violence or rape….by an intimate partner….someone they once trusted…Someone they once or still love. This means that one-third of women that walk through the gym doors has had a violent past and will have triggers that they will have to overcome in order to train Jiu Jitsu.
Everyone is nervous on their first day of jiu jitsu, but for women, it’s especially terrifying. One of every three women that walk through the gym doors has had a violent past that they will have to overcome in order to take that first step on the mat. Watching from the sidelines doesn’t help. Witnessing a demonstration of a Full Mount or Closed Guard position isn’t inviting. Listening to the weird names of the moves is confusing. And what’s worse is that it LOOKS a lot easier than it really is.
Why Jiu Jitsu?
I started jiu jitsu because my entire family was involved in the MMA scene, and secretly I just wanted to know what a “Shrimp” was. (Seriously who comes up with these names?) I wanted to watch a UFC fight and recognize the submission that the fighters were attempting. I wanted to stand on the sidelines of my 8-year-old’s jiu jitsu tournaments and know how to help him obtain a victory. (because you know momma’s have way louder voices than dad’s and coaches LOL)
What I really needed was a “Jiu Jitsu for Dummies” Crash Course. I asked my Pro MMA Husband to give me privates and he refused. He was willing to coach me in striking, but if I wanted to learn jiu jitsu I needed to come to class and learn from his professor.
I literally had anxiety attacks for the first 3 months every single time I came to class, even though I had a huge advantage over most other newbies. I knew everyone at the gym by name and my husband and older kids attended the same class as me. Plus, I was lucky enough to start at the same time as another woman so we became drill partners and fast friends. (Both of us have stuck with BJJ for two years now. It is a given that if one of us gets promoted the other is about to get her name called as well! She is definitely a key to my success) STILL, I got so nervous that I almost medicated before class. I refused to live roll with anyone for months.
I’ve always been one to easily bruise, so you can imagine my boss’s reaction when I came to my office job in a sleeveless dress with 25 fingerprint bruises all over my arms. He was briefly concerned that my husband was being abusive. I laughed and set the record straight.
When I told the story later to my husband, it wasn’t as funny. It wasn’t as funny because all of a sudden I was 12 years old again and reliving an abusive childhood. All the emotions came flooding back as if it were yesterday. Constantly having to walk on eggshells in my own home in case he was in one of his moods, or hiding the truth from teachers and friends as to not draw attention and make the situation worse. Hiding at a neighbor’s house for days or weeks at a time to let him cool down.
My Bruises are from…
As fate would have it, I found a non-profit organization called “My Bruises are from…”. It is a Domestic Violence awareness campaign that designs shirts, rash guards, and spats, and in turn, donates the proceeds to the Domestic Abuse Shelter of your choice.
I was instantly drawn to the idea of using jiu jitsu as a way to support other women. I was a newbie white belt who didn’t know anyone in the BJJ community. With permission of the gym owner and the support of my professor, we organized an Open Mat for Women Only. We made it open to the public. The price of admission was an item from our local Domestic Abuse Shelter’s wish list. The response was overwhelming!
I imagined it was going to be other women in the surrounding area who would come out and enjoy another woman to roll with. But instead, it was the women who watched on the sidelines that showed up. They secretly wanted to try BJJ, but not with some huge sweaty guy. We had women of all ages and walks of life join us. The majority of women were moms, so I named it “Momma’s on the Mat”. They get what I wished I had when I started…..a Jiu Jitsu 101 class and another woman to drill with.
What do we do?
- We go over the importance of wearing our bruises with pride while we stand in the gap for those who hide their bruises.
- I educate them on the resources available to those who may be in need and we always take a group picture. We take the picture blast it all over social media for the simple fact that if one of our acquaintances is in trouble and they are READY to leave they will come to those pictured.
- I arm them with tiny tri-folds that lay out a “Safety Plan” so they can give them out discreetly or boldly [Click HERE for a downloadable PDF so you can print your own].
- We practice the most useful basic moves of jiu jitsu and we have a blast.
- I don’t claim that I teach them how to defend themselves in a live attack but I did give them their first step.
Here’s the thing…
Real life self-defense cannot be attained in a weekend seminar. You need to attend classes regularly. You need to drill moves until they become muscle memory. It involves live rolling with 200+lb men who are trying to submit you as much as you are trying to defend the submission. You need to FEEL somebody’s full weight on your chest and learn to keep breathing and keep THINKING. You have to train in order to overcome that paralyzing fear.
I don’t claim that I saved anyone’s life by holding a quarterly open mat. I just help them take that first step on the mat. And that makes my heart happy.
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Closing Thoughts (Student of BJJ)
I want to personally thank Jody for taking the time to share her story amidst her obviously busy schedule of empowering women through Jiu Jitsu. Problems like Domestic Violence only get better through awareness and action. It takes a courageous soul to step up and be the change they want to see in the world.
If you’re curious about #SHEspect
Student of BJJ started the movement as a way to support and show respect the female grappling community. It’s our way of helping to welcome females into BJJ and let them know we stand behind them. You can find #SHEspect apparel/stickers HERE. The profits go towards supporting this site, keeping it both free and free of ads. You can purchase “My bruises are from…” apparel HERE, and the profits will all go to Domestic Abuse shelters and other support organizations.
Lastly, If you’re looking for a Jiu Jitsu “crash course”, I’ve compiled a BJJ Glossary to help you learn the lingo. My Positions and Submissions pages are full of free resources that can help you quickly understand the important concepts so that you can progress faster through the ranks.
Train hard, my friends. To all my female grapplers, Student of BJJ has the utmost SHEspect for you.